Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Terrible idea I love it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
