the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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