o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
