I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
