His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
