Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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