I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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