He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
