i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
