I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
