not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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