if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
