sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it glows. i had to have it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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