I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
