so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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