I heard we made out
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
