I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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