I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
