I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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