We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
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then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
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I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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