I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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