You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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