So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
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They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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