You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
