So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
