I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
