Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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