On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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