dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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