Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
