I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
