it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
