Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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