You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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