You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
