dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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