I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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