Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
