totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
