sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize