I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
