Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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