apparently the secret to your success is patron
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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