i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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