i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
His nipple licking is glorious
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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