you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
