A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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