He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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