i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
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No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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