hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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