You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
