I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
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I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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