I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
