I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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