if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
