Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
