if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
