Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
