see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
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This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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